Still Living
Budget Funerals
For The Impoverished or Generally Tight-fisted
vicars_animated
Tenpasenta Church home
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BURIAL CREMATION GREEN QUALITY
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Life, nobody survives, so plan your funeral early to avoid disappointment.
BUDGET BOOKS OF REMEMBRANCE
Tenpasenta
Basic Book of Remembrance

Basic edition.
Available from only £10.75* per year.

Deluxe edition.
Bold Entry +1 Line from only £100 per year.

Ex-directory.
Available for only £175 forever, paid to us.

*monthly BT line rental. You will need to renew yearly to maintain your name.

Deluxe Book of Remembrance
Basic Deluxe (ending 2020)
 
This site is not suitable for churchy types

BEST FUNERAL SONGS

Tenpasenta
The best alternative funeral songs
We understand that the music or songs played at a funeral are a very personal choice, but you'd be surprised by how many times we hear the same old dross over and over again, in place of this why not try one of Fluff Freeman's "Best Funeral Songs" collection.
Mark the vicar hopes that by hearing this selection that they will stimulate your mind into choosing something less generic and more uplifting than "We raise you up" by bloody Westlife, we hear that crap about 12 times a day.





The Jam

The Jam

countdown

Countdown

living in a box

Living in a Box

Fire Starter

The Prodigy

Flames     Flames
Pumping not arf!
Flames

Guns

Guns and Roses

Doors

The Doors

trammps

The Trammps

Anoter one bites the dust

Queen

Fire

Die Krupps

Johnny cash

Johnny Cash

Nilsson

Harry Nillson

My Chemical Romance

Looney Tunes

Looney Tunes

 
 
R.I.P.
INTERNET REMEMBRANCE
Tenpasenta
Remembrance online Get your death details or that of a loved one on a page just like this!


Only £7.99 per year!
Remembrance online home demonstration
LIVING WILL
Tenpasenta

*10% of bequeathed value payable to the
Tenpasenta Church 5 days after death.

Leave Money In Your Will
Being dead is a great opportunity for you to leave your money and belongings to the ones you leave behind, many customers still believe that death is not going to happen to them and don't bother making a will, if you too think you're eternal, think again!...unless you've signed up to the Tenpasenta guaranteed afterlife.

Tenpasenta Budget Funerals in association with Tenpasenta Afterlife, have launched a special living Will service only for our Budget customers, these wills are free of charge and guarantee that whatever little valuables you may have are distributed fairly and legally to your chosen recipients after we have taken 10% commission.
 
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THE PET PROBLEM
Tenpasenta
Dog and sead body Quality pet rugs
Shit HappensThe death of a relative can leave more than just a funeral to arrange, it could leave their once-loved pet homeless.
Some charities will take this awkward inheritance off your hands, but is this really what your dead relative would have wanted? These much-loved pets were expected to be in your home, no questions asked, and with no cash left for years and years of their food, this bequeathal could soon become a pain in the wallet.
We offer the ideal solution for you, their pet will be in your home as they wanted, but the expense of food and the trouble of walking a dog will be out the window!
In association with the Beijing animal rescue corporation (BARC), we can turn those unwanted pets into novelty foot mats, and at only £175 each it's a fantastic bargain, no longer attracting fleas, just moth.
No harm will come to the unwanted pet, just a very large dose of Sodium thiopental that will finish them off, the rest of the rug making process is painless.
Order now.
CARPET CLEANING
Tenpasenta
Body stains in carpet cadaver fluid stain cleanng
cadaver Soap Are you worried by smelly body stains in your carpet, bedding or on your kitchen lino? Worry no more with Vicar's Choice Body Juice Removal Soap!
This professional carpet cleaning solution has been developed by the scientists that brought you Shitlike stool fragrance as used by geriatric homes worldwide.
Not only will Vicar's Choice Body Juice Removal Soap leave your carpets cleaner than new, but the beautiful scent of flowers will replace the stench of death.CryptAdvisor
This amazing product is not available in the shops, buy yours today from our funeral shop in Woolston for only £14.99!
Donate to Mark with PayPal to sustain these sites, he's unemployed and every penny counts. Thank you
Fleet
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Bereavement
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Southampton Council
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Who made this crap?
Publisher
Copyright M. Collyer
Disclaimer: All products and services promoted on this site are fictional, and once purchased are non-refundable..